A stormtrooper working in an office building.

It’s been a month and a half since the latest chapter in the Star Wars saga, The Last Jedi, was released. Tension between fans who liked and hated the movie was higher than between main character Rey and her nemesis Kylo Ren, but by now the controversy has simmered down and conversation dwindled. Even though bickering over the film exists only in a sub-reddit far far away, I can’t help but ruminate on the Force, the relationship between teacher and pupil, and the simultaneous fragility and strength of hope.

Why I'm still thinking about 'The Last Jedi'

 It’s been a month and a half since the latest chapter in the Star Wars saga, The Last Jedi, was released. Tension between fans who liked and hated the movie was higher than between main character Rey and her nemesis Kylo Ren, but by now the controversy has simmered down and conversation dwindled. Even though bickering over the film exists only in a sub-reddit far far away, I can’t help but ruminate on the Force, the relationship between teacher and pupil, and the simultaneous fragility and strength of hope.

The Last Jedi, maybe more than any other Star Wars movie, grapples with the nature of good and evil, and the ‘balance’ of the Force. As with other ideologies which assert that evil is necessary for good to exist, that they are parts of a whole, a yin and yang, I struggled to accept the notion of ‘balance’ in the force. “Maybe there’s nothing to be learned here,” I thought, “maybe ‘the force’ just isn’t a Christian theme.” And then Rey enters the Black Cave, symbolic of the dark side, and everything changes.

In her training with Luke, young Rey begins to understand that the force is, “more than lifting rocks.” While meditating she reflects on the complex ecology of this lost island, “Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.” Luke presses her, “And between it all?” “Balance and energy. A force.” “And inside you?” “Inside me, that same force.”

I wanted so bad to point to the force as an image of God, between all things and within us all. Giving life, intervening and accessed through faith, hope, and love. But what about the dark side?! God has no “dark side,” nor is evil an equal counterpart to the Lord. Even more than displaying the transcendent power of the Light side of the force, The Last Jedi succeeds in descending with Rey into the Dark side to unmask its true nature. It is in the cave, searching for answers about her parents, that Rey confronts her greatest fear.

The idea of being assaulted by our greatest fear is far from original, think of Pennywise the clown from Stephen King’s IT or the Boggart in Harry Potter. But the image that director Rian Johnson chooses says something very profound about the nature of evil. Facing a reflective surface within the cave, Rey becomes incorporated into a single file line of infinite versions of herself. Rather than panic, she eventually finds herself at the end of the line encountered by a shadowy figure revealed to be only her own face. Johnson explains, “her greatest fear is [that] in the search for identity, she has nobody but herself to rely on.”

Right then, Johnson won me back to his vision of the force. Evil, he has displayed, is not some ambitious force pushing and pulling against the ‘good.’ Rather, at its essence, it is isolation, the conviction that “I alone have the answers.” Nothing is more Christian than the notion that all evil stems from pride.

Once read in this way, so much about this light-speed paced movie comes into focus, particularly the tortured conscience of the jaded Luke, the personal trajectory of the fly-boy Poe, and the fate of the First Order and darkness in the galaxy.

The Last Jedi provoked a good amount of very valid critiques from long-time Star Wars fans. One complaint was with the direction they took the central character of the Saga, Luke Skywalker. Some said the cynical, defeatist, old man they meet in Episode VIII could not have been the same energetic, hopeful hero of Episodes IV thru VI. And this is true! The Luke of The Last Jedi has been through a lot since we last saw him and is in the middle of a huge crisis! This is a crisis we will all inevitably go through and one many in our Church are facing now, namely, “Considering my failures and imperfection, what do I have to offer the next generation?” and, even more difficult, “As I pass the torch (or the lightsaber), how do I let go?”

Throughout the movie we learn more and more of Luke’s difficulty in taking on the role of Jedi Master. It becomes apparent that his failures as a teacher are borne from fear. The fear that there is something in his students beyond his control. Feeling out of control can definitely be scary. The world is changing more rapidly than ever. How do we maintain a system of passing on wisdom that doesn’t seek to control but empowers future generations; and how do we accept our place in that system?

Right when Luke begins to feel out of control and defeated as his newest student abandons him, Yoda shows up to cut to the core of this issue and lay some wisdom on all of us. “Heeded my words not, did you? Pass on what you have learned. Strength. Mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is.” Yoda reminds his former student that our limitations and mistakes are not obstacles to passing on wisdom but necessary tools.

St. Peter reminds us of this as well in his letter to the church in Corinth, “power is made perfect in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10). But this is a certain kind of strength. It is a strength that accepts “insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints.” And it accepts that those to whom we grant wisdom will use it to surpass us. As Yoda goes on to explain, it is a strength that demands humility, “Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.”

But the burden for creating a future belongs to both Master and student; and as the force-connected youth of this film grapple with how to move forward so do we. “Something inside me has always been there. But now it’s awake, and I’m afraid.” Rey, alongside the brooding Kylo Ren wrestles with who she’s meant to become and where she fits into this unending galactic conflict. Faced with the quest for identity, the two ultimately diverge onto very different roads.

Kylo Ren, formerly Ben Solo, can’t reconcile the failures of his family. From his flighty father Han to his Uncle Luke who seems to utterly give up on him. He continues to look for father figures to give him his identity. But both the memory of his grandfather, Darth Vader, and his mentor in the dark side, Snoke, both eventually fail him too. He gives up on looking for help from others and decides, “It’s time to let old things die.”

Soon he invites Rey to the same path, “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” She too has been disappointed, let down, and abandoned but faced with the choice to burn it all down and begin again with Kylo she begs him, “Don't do this.” But it’s too late.

How will we respond when faced with questions of our identity, purpose, and mission? Will we reject where we’ve come from and the wisdom of those who’ve come before us? Or, when faced with our overwhelming potential, will we respond like Rey, “I don’t know what it is or what to do with it, and I need help.”

After this last confrontation the newly established hero and villain part ways. One seeking to destroy the remnants of his past and the rebellion and the other to save them. Meanwhile, the remaining rebels are facing their own hard questions while fighting for their survival.

From the very beginning of the movie right until the final moments, well-known pilot Poe Dameron takes off straight into the heat of every battle. Though skilled, he is soon demoted for his fool hardy tactics, but despite the reprimand, spends most of the movie trying to do things his way. Cut to Poe’s buddy and biggest fan Finn who develops a similar habit of blasting off to save the day on his own.

Despite all Poe’s efforts things keep going wrong for the rebellion and he’s forced to take a back seat. As he watches another rebel work and sacrifice without fanfare or explaination General Leia Organa, a figure of wisdom in the film, tries to teach him, “She was more interested in protecting the light than seeming like a hero.”

As our young rebels learn, even more important than laying aside your life is laying aside your pride. The message is brought home for Finn when his friend Rose saves him from a reckless maneuver in battle. Struggling to stay conscious she says, “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”

Evil will eventually consume itself. All the light has to do to win is survive. We live in a world that can seem constantly at war. I know when I see some injustice or untruth I rush in to point it out, correct it and get so frustrated when it feels out of my control. But what are we fighting for? Constantly reacting to the problems of the world is distracting us from creating a vision for a brighter future.

Scripture tells us, there is a time to “uproot and tear down,” structures of evil and darkness. But we must remember “to build and to plant” as well. As The Last Jedi reminds us, hope envisions a better world where we all have a place. But to build that place, where anyone can rise to be a hero, demands a courageous humility, a humility that looks to the wisdom of the past, and fearlessly into the future.

Fun movie ideas that the whole family can enjoy. 

The idea of striving to live boldly like a child is something that’s really driven my outlook on life in the past year. Say yes to that spontaneous trip. Get down and play in the mud - you can shower later. Have dance parties for no other reason than to have a dance party. 

One way I try to live in this spirit of childlikeness is movie nights with my friends and my family. And I’m a sucker for a good animated flick - sure, Jack Black in Kung Fu Panda isn’t going to win any Oscars, but something about the simple humor in these movies brings out my inner child. And so, in the spirit of embracing a little bit of childlikeness in random places in our daily life (and because even Netflix shows can only last so long as quarantine continues to go on) I’m going to share some of my absolute favorite “kid” movies. Some are things you maybe haven’t thought about since you were 10, or since your kids were 10. And while there’s nothing wrong with a Stranger Things marathon or an Avengers re-watch, sometimes it feeds the soul to take a step back and enjoy the simplicity of childlike joy.

Without further ado, and in no particular order whatsoever, here’s a list of assorted animated and/or fun (and family friendly!) movies that I’ve shamelessly watched more than a few times. 

How to Train Your Dragon (pretty much all three of them): Classic. Absolutely one of my favorite movie series of all time. What’s not to like? A world where people ride on honest-to-goodness DRAGONS sure stokes my imagination. Plenty of laughs,action, and creativity. As a music guy, I can also tell you that the score is top-notch. There’s a lot of good to be found in these movies...a definite must watch (or re-watch).

Kung Fu Panda: As mentioned above, Jack Black probably won’t ever win awards for acting finesse, but the man knows how to make you laugh. Nothing is more relatable than a main character who would rather eat than take on unexpected challenges. Watching Po bumble around basically the entire movie makes his eventual success that much more enjoyable at the end of the day. 

The Penguins of Madagascar Movie: This movie is my sleeper pick...not as many people have seen this one (admittedly, my sample size for that claim is pretty small). Anyways, this movie is a 007-style spinoff of my personal favorite characters from the Madagascar movies is a delightfully fun watch that gives these side characters more of a starring role.

Despicable Me: Ok sure, they do kind of degrade in quality as the series goes on. BUT, the way I see it, they only got green-lit for sequels because they were good, right? Right. When my college engineering professor quotes a kid’s movie to prove a point - that vectors have MAGNITUDE and DIRECTION - then that movie has to have some deeper cultural relevance, right? Right. Top-notch, heart-warming, belly-laugh-inducing movie. 

Holes: While not an animated movie, in my not-so-professional opinion, it belongs on this list. If you’re a parent reading this list, maybe the idea of Camp Greenlake doesn’t sound too bad if your kids have been around the house since mid-March…

Bedknobs and Broomsticks: A 70’s Disney movie that approximately five people in my life outside of my immediate family have even heard of, but was a distinct part of my own childhood. It’s Mary Poppins-esque with blended live action and animation, magical nannies, and some kids thriving in mischief. I happen to like this movie even more, and 11/10 recommend it if you’ve never seen it before. 

I’ll briefly interrupt this list to give you my Not Recommendations. Some ideas just didn’t need to leave their brainstorming sessions (looking at you, Emoji Movie). Other movies in this category include The Angry Birds Movie and definitely its sequel, the second half of the Ice Age movies (they don’t know when to stop), and Kronk’s New Groove. You don’t need me to tell you that the Emperor’s New Groove is one of the best movies ever made, but the follow up effort hurt my heart. What they did to Kronk was just painful to watch. Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s get back to the list.

Bolt: Another staple of my own childhood; I have no clue whether or not it’s something that still gets watched today. Either way, I don’t think there was a single movie as a kid where I was more emotionally invested and attached to a character and a storyline...I mean, a superhero that’s also a DOG? I’m sold. Definitely hits you right in the feels. 

Monsters vs Aliens: Another older movie from my time growing up, but hey, I turned out ok, so the movies I watched must’ve been ok. Pretty random assortment of characters, but each of them brings me laughs in their own way, and it’s a fun story and all-around solid movie if you or your kiddos are into sci-fi, and (as the title suggests,) monsters and/or aliens. 

This is in no way a comprehensive list of all the good movies out there. Disney+ alone probably has week of top notch content to get you through this unusual summer. I hope that by sharing this list of some mainstream and some more classic movies I grew up on, you and your family can find some peace and joy in gathering together to revel in the sheer goodness something as simple as a funny movie can bring out in each of us.

A black and white photo of people at a praise and worship concert

A defense of modern worship music in liturgy. 

A Defense of Modern Worship Music in Liturgy

Modern worship music is appropriate for Catholic liturgy. 

Boom. Thesis! There. I wrote it and it’s on the page.  DEAL with it! 

I jest of course but you wouldn’t know that from the way Christians often discuss the propriety (or impropriety as the case may be) of using modern styles of music in liturgy.  The debate is one of the most contentious in modern Christiany. So before the comments section explodes (shattering the molds), let’s make a few disclaimers:

Modern worship (for brevity’s sake, MW) music can be and often is done very badly and/or unliturgically.

It should not be used exclusively or in all situations.

Gregorian chant, hymns, and other more traditional styles of liturgical music are a rich and beautiful part of our history and we should continue to use them frequently.

Some (otherwise good) MW songs are unsuitable, or at least problematic for liturgical use either because of their lyrical content or musicality (ie. they are unsingable by a congregation).

There are valid reasons to be concerned about the use of MW music in liturgy, and we should discuss those.  However, MW also has a lot to offer to our Church that squares cleanly with our traditions.

I will attempt to enumerate a few of these right about now:

Diversa sed non adversa: diverse, but not adverse

One of the beautiful aspects of the Catholic tradition is the diversity (without adversity) of cultural and liturgical expressions.  Christianity did not come ready made with a culture it sought to impose on the world.  On the contrary, the apostles at the first Church council of Jerusalem (Acts 15) definitively decided not to impose their Jewish culture (circumcision, kosher diet, Sabbath laws, etc.) on Christians from other cultures (gentiles).  Rather than attempting to replace a native culture with its own, the Church evangelized by adopting and subsuming what was good and holy within the cultures in encountered.  This is why the small Jewish sect of first century Christianity soon grew to write its creeds in the language of Greek philosophy and celebrate its Eucharist using elements of the ancient Roman cult.  It’s what the second Vatican Council called “inculturation.”  Romans citizens were used to celebrating their gods & goddesses with long processions, priests in fancy vestments, large choirs, and genuflecting for the emperor, so when they became Christian, they used many of the same symbols and gestures to express their devotion to Christ.  Even the fact that the western Church adopted Latin as its official language was a move to make itself more accessible to the common people who didn’t speak Greek like the educated elite.  Hence St. Jerome’s Latin translation of the bible is called the Vulgate because Latin was considered a common, vulgar language.  This “diverse but not adverse” mentality is part of the reason we have different rites within the Church (Orthodox, Coptic, Latin, etc.)  

Even within the Latin (or Roman) Catholic Church, one finds diversity in liturgical expression down through the years.  For example, the 12th century saw a liturgical revolution within monasteries that manifested itself in varied celebrations.  Cluniac monasteries favored huge choirs singing complex polyphony, many large, ornate candlesticks, incense, and golden vessels while Cistercian monasteries celebrated the liturgy with simple chants, a few modest candles, minimal incense, and wooden or copper vessels.  Similarly today, good and appropriate elements of modern music can and should be incorporated into the liturgy to speak to modern Christians (of course without marginalizing or replacing traditional music.)  The two can peacefully coexist.  In fact, way back in 1947, Venerable Pope Pius XII wrote, “It cannot be said that modern music and singing should be entirely excluded from Catholic worship. For, if they are not profane nor unbecoming to the sacredness of the place and function, and do not spring from a desire of achieving extraordinary and unusual effects, then our churches must admit them since they can contribute in no small way to the splendor of the sacred ceremonies, can lift the mind to higher things and foster true devotion of soul” (MD 193).  This brings me to my next point.

Christians through the millennia have adopted and/or adapted aspects of other cultures especially when attempting to evangelize those cultures.  The second Vatican Council confirmed this approach in its Constitution on the Litugy, Sacrosanctum Concilium (SC 119-20).  Ever since Pope St. John Paul the Great’s call for a New Evangelization (which has likewise been a key focus for his successors, Benedict and Francis) Catholics across the world (but particularly the western world) have been tasked with re-evangelizing ourselves and our cultures.  We western Christians are missionaries living in mission lands. As such, we need to find effective means to speak the good news to a nominally Christian but increasingly secular society.  Given, some churches (including some Catholic parishes) have gone off the deep end in the quest for that 21st century idol, “Relevance.”  However, some have likewise secluded themselves behind an equally insidious idol, “tradition” (note the small “t” before you get too worked up).  And if we apply Jesus’ “by their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:15-20) litmus test to MW music, we find a great many Christians and Catholics drawn deeper into the spiritual and sacramental life of the Church by the pseudo-charismatic spirituality of “praise & worship” music.  Moreover, the simple, catchy melodies and familiar style of MW music can be a great tool in the belt of liturgical ministers trying “to promote active participation” of the congregation (SC 30, 121). 

MW music shares much in common with the psalms.  For starters, praise & worship songs are characterized by simple, emotive, personal (often first person) lyrics that reflect an intimate relationship with God.  They tend to focus on the great joys and great struggles of the spiritual life.  This is also characteristic of the psalms.  It’s no coincidence that MW songsmiths often work the psalms into their songs (Better is One Day, Your Love Oh Lord, Forever, Whom Shall I Fear).

Well, not exactly, but he did play a psaltery (which is why we call them “psalms”) or a lyre which were harp-like string instruments played by strumming and plucking not unlike the modern guitar.  Dig deeper into the psalms and you’ll find phrases like “clap your hands” (psalm 47) or “give praise with blasts upon the horn, praise him with harp and lyre, . . . tambourines and dance, . . . strings and pipes, crashing cymbals,  . . . sounding cymbals.” (psalm 150).  This is all to say that much of the instrumentation used in MW is basically equivalent to what Jews and Christians used to celebrate their liturgies millennia ago (SC 120).

We Catholics love our Tradition and our traditions, don’t we?  And we should!  It gives us a link to our history and a sense of the ancient beauty of our faith.  However, how many places in the psalms does the psalmist delight in singing a new song?  How many times in your life have you heard a new song and you just can’t get it out of your head and it speaks to you in powerful and mysterious ways.  Old songs, of course, can affect us similarly but how wonderful is it to discover a new song, with new lyrics, new sounds, and new rhythms you’ve never quite heard assembled in that way before.  It draws us in and captures us like few other things can.  The power of a new song is one that the writers of the psalms (as well as Isaiah and John) knew well and they celebrated it.  Old is not always better than new in liturgy.  Even Thomas Aquinas in the 13th century celebrated a novel liturgical practice called Eucharistic Adoration when he penned his beautiful hymn Tantum Ergo: “over ancient forms departing, newer rites of grace prevail.”  As modern evangelists in a secular world, we forsake the power of the new at our peril.  I pray that we do not neglect good and holy means of evangelization and spirituality simply because it is new.   Jesus himself warned us against being too cautious in working for his kingdom (Matthew 25:14-30).

I do not advocate unilaterally replacing more traditional forms of liturgical music and worship with modern ones.  On the contrary, I think by incorporating some modern musical elements we can actually educate and rehabilitate ourselves and our congregations to meaningful use of traditional practices like Gregorian chant.

There are some artists doing really excellent work in writing great worship songs, many of which capture some of the best of the old along with the new.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Matt Maher & Matt Redman’s Remembrance is a beautiful communion song which incorporates words from the Eucharistic Prayers of the mass.

Hillsong’s Cornerstone strikes a near perfect balance of a modern song with hymn like sensibilities. 

The Capuchin Friars of the Renewal chant the divine office over an acoustic guitar at their Catholic Underground events.  Here is Tom Lelyo from the Catholic Worship Blog with a step-by-step on how they do it.

Chris Tomlin’s Jesus Messiah is based off 2 Corinthians 5 and the ancient Christian hymn found in Philippians 2. This version by the group Heartsong at Cedarville University does it beautifully.

Matt Maher’s remake of the Tantum Ergo called Adoration is another chant/MW hybrid.

Reawaken Hymns has acoustic guitar versions of many traditional hymns.

Indelible Grace is a well-known protestant movement in Nashville that writes new music to the lyrics of old hymns.  My favorite of theirs is(Thy Mercy, My God) as recorded by Caedmon’s Call.

For some reason, it DOES matter.  As it turns out, something deep within us isn’t satisfied simply finding out the end of the story.  We want to experience it. We want the story to unfold in its course. We want to discover it piecemeal, unlocking each beat in the right time, in the right way, with all of its foreshadowing, tension, drama, climax, and denouement.  

The Monday after Avengers: Infinity War came out, one of my 9th grade students walked in to class loudly exclaiming, “Oh my gosh! When [character] died, I cried!” and promptly clapped both hands over his mouth when he saw the utter rage in my neck veins.  

Fast-forward one year to the release of Avengers: Engame: I’m scrolling through English soccer highlights when I see someone has posted in the comments of Man City’s latest recap, “[characters X, Y, & Z] die in Endgame.”  

It was right then and there I decided that for Star Wars Episode IX, I was getting tickets for opening night, even if I had to go alone at midnight.

I think of the stories of American fans of Charles Dickens storming New York harbor when the latest chapter of one of his novels was due to arrive from England. I remember my friends camping out overnight outside of a book store (remember those?) and took off work the next day so they could read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows before anyone spoiled it for them.  

What is it about spoilers that we hate so much? These stories are entirely fictional. Many of us will read/watch them multiple times and enjoy them each time, even though we already know what will happen. What’s more, we desperately want to know what happens in these stories. We can’t wait to know! Why wouldn’t we want to know sooner rather than later?  Why does it matter that someone told us as opposed to finding out ourselves?

It’s not enough to just know what happens or even to know that everything is going to be ok. We probably knew that already, actually. It’s rare in the modern world for fictional stories to have anything but a happy ending. But somehow, finding out from a friend or an internet meme somehow “ruins the surprise” but if we experience the story ourselves, in its own time, we are instead just “surprised.”

Moreover, those of us who love these stories take care not to “spoil” endings or major plot points even if someone does ask us about it.  These stories have a certain integrity—a sacredness, even.

And I think this is why, in the stories of our lives, God often leaves us in our uncertainty. He knows the proper time and a place for events to unfold and for knowledge to be revealed. He knows the beauty that matures in the waiting, growing, stretching—yes, even pain and suffering—of the “not yet’s” in our lives.  Like an expert story teller, filmmaker, or song writer, God is the perfect author. He knows his craft. His expositions, complications, antagonists, all work to carve our life in exquisite relief. He expertly directs the acts and scenes, all the while allowing us the freedom to choose as we will. Yet somehow he never abandons us to walk alone. This is the mystery and the beauty of the Christian belief in providence. As the saying goes, “God writes straight with crooked lines.”  

How many times in your life have you wondered why God didn’t’ just give you the answer now?

 Will I get into this program? Will I get the job? Will I ever meet somebody? Is this relationship the one? What’s my purpose? Where is my life heading? Will I ever get through this? Where will I be a year from now? Will we ever get pregnant? When are they gonna start treating me how I want? How long do I have to struggle with this? When am I gonna get better? What am I supposed to do now?

But do we really want to know the answer? 

If you ran into someone with inside knowledge of an unfinished storyline you love—say someone like George Lucas, George R.R. Martin, or Kevin Feige—and they offered: “Hey! Do you wanna know what happens? I’ll tell you now if you want,” would you take them up on it?

I think if we’re honest with ourselves, the answer is no: Not like this. Not now. We know we’d be missing out on something.

If I’m honest, the same is true of the burning questions I have for God.  Yes, there’s a part of me that wants to know the specifics now. But there’s a wiser, saner, more real part of me that knows I can trust the master storyteller.  

I will wait, Lord. I will trust you. In your time, in your wisdom, in your way. Grant me the grace to accept it.

And yes, I saw Star Wars episode XI on opening night and no I’m not going to tell you anything about it. Jesus told me “no spoilers.”

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? 28 Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. 29 But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. 30If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ 32 All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. 34 Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. 

It’s the people who have strayed into darkness but, despite the odds, have found God’s sanctifying grace, that really give us hope. We look at their stories and say, if they can fight the good fight, then I can too.

I love a good redemption story. I enjoy watching a character in a movie or TV show evolve from villain to hero. Redemption is one type of character arc, or a transformation that a character in a story goes through. I often find that some of my favorite characters are the bad guys gone good. There are so many examples, from Darth Vader to Scrooge, The Grinch to Gru, Zuko to Doc Ock. The list could go on, but the point is, we are fascinated by these folks who have a change of heart. There’s just something so satisfying about watching the antagonist morph into something beautiful on screen. It’s even more rewarding to see a redemption in real life. The best of these accounts often come from unexpected sources and many happen in ways that are nothing short of a miracle. For example, St. Paul had such a dramatic change, that the apostles needed convincing that he had truly moved on from persecuting them, and for a while they were wary. St. Augustine had a conversion after years of his mother praying for him. It’s not just some of the saints’ stories. There is bound to be someone we each know in our lives who was headed down a wrong path but mended their ways. One real-life run-in with vindication happened recently, to an actor you may have heard of: Shia LaBeouf.

Of course, it’s not really fair to call these real-life people “villains”. In reality, people may do villainous things, but that’s not who they are really meant to be. We are all broken and in need of redemption. That’s all part of being human. One minute we do a good deed, and the next moment we dabble in wrongdoing. The best redeemed bad guys on screen are the ones that are this complex. They are also the ones that often make the biggest mistakes, making their turn to the light even more fulfilling. It seems to be the same way in real life. It’s the people who have strayed into darkness but, despite the odds, have found God’s sanctifying grace, that really give us hope. We look at their stories and say, if they can fight the good fight, then I can too.

When I saw Shia LaBeouf’s recent interview with Bishop Barron, I couldn’t help but feel the kind of joy and hope I spoke of above. Shia LaBeouf is an actor known for his roles in Transformers, Holes, and The Peanut Butter Falcon. He’s sharp as a tack and has done some great work. Unfortunately, he’s also been known for some infamous controversies throughout his career. Among these are disorderly conduct, numerous arrests, altercations with co-stars, abuse allegations, and rehab. His childhood did not appear to be an easy one, especially after his parents divorced, and he turned to acting to help provide for the family. At one point in time, the tabloids seemed to talk more about the latest Shia LaBeouf scandal than his next movie role. With all this in mind, it came as a bit of a surprise to me when I heard the news of Shia’s new part he’d be undertaking. Last year, it was announced that he would be portraying Padre Pio in an upcoming movie. The media seemed to question this, especially with Shia’s recent abuse allegations. Why was this man being chosen to play a saint? My initial uncertainty turned to excitement when I thought of the possible outcomes for this actor. As a film fan and a Catholic, I love to hear of opportunities for actors to connect with the Catholic faith. Occasionally, I pray to St. Genesius, patron saint of actors, for the conversion of performers, so I added Mr. LaBeouf to my list. In the back of my mind, I hoped Shia would have a conversion with the help of his new role. I occasionally checked in to see if there was any news on the movie’s production, but otherwise I didn’t think too much more about it. 

That all changed when, a couple weeks ago, Bishop Barron published a YouTube video where he sat down with LaBeouf to discuss the new movie. I enthusiastically began to listen to the interview, but I could not have expected what came next. Shia went on to tell how he had been in a rough place when the job came along. He had felt his career was coming to an end and said he had even contemplated suicide. When he received the Pio role, his ego inflated again, and he took it, hoping to make a career comeback. For his research, he went to live around the Capuchin friars in Santa Ynez, California. At first, he only lived in his truck and took in what the friars were doing from a distance, but eventually, he began to befriend the Capuchins. Shia found himself drawn to something as simple as sharing laughter with them, and he was fascinated by their joy and simplicity. His research turned into a journey of faith, and the friars and sisters (of the Sacred Heart) began to catechize him. They found out that Shia had been baptized and soon they allowed him to begin receiving Holy Communion. Now a Catholic, LaBeouf dived into the role of Padre Pio even more, fully immersing himself, which included nurturing a great love for the traditional Latin Mass. The friars taught him about suffering and how Shia’s newfound purpose could be through service to others. With the help of the Capuchins, he was also inspired to improve himself as a man, husband, and father. Most of all, Shia found comfort in the great redemption stories of St. Augustine and St. Francis of Assisi. He figured, if these great sinners could become great saints, then there was hope for him too. 

It’s safe to say that by the time the video ended, I had a big, stupid grin on my face. I was expecting an interesting interview, but I had no idea that it would end with the news that Shia had converted to Catholicism. There is no doubt in my mind that Padre Pio interceded for the man portraying him. I’d like to think St. Genesius had a hand in his conversion too. The joy I feel of hearing about a brother in Christ coming home is like the satisfaction of a movie character being redeemed, except a million times better. As a kid, I enjoyed LaBeouf’s acting, but when I began to hear of his misdemeanors, I wondered how he could get out of the rut he seemed to be stuck in. Now, after watching him tell the account of his miraculous past year, I realize God is trying to teach me something. He’s showing me that we should never lose hope, no matter how far someone has wandered. No one is ever far from God. Just like the rest of us, Shia LaBeouf will still have an uphill battle the rest of his life, fighting against the temptations of this world and the mistakes of his past. The good news is, a saint is just a sinner who never gives up. I pray that Shia and all of us never lose hope as God writes the rest of our redemption story.

Pro-life messages often seem hard to come by in popular media these days, but looking further into it, I’ve found a surprising amount of modern songs, movies, and books that promote the pro-life view. 

Just recently, on June 24th, 2022, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, putting an end to the 1973 decision that guaranteed a constitutional right to abortion. As I discussed the joyful news with friends and family, my mind began to think of all the ways to celebrate. Naturally, I thought of listening to music or watching a movie that upheld the value of life. These days, scrolling through many of the Netflix thumbnails or listening to new music releases will often yield negative results. The entertainment we all consume unfortunately has many topics that promote death and destruction rather than life. I admit it, pro-life messages often seem hard to come by in popular media these days, but looking further into it, I’ve found a surprising amount of modern songs, movies, and books that promote the pro-life view. Without further ado, here are a few sources of art that communicate the value of life, even from some unlikely sources.

Rapper Eminem is one of the most popular and controversial singers of the past 20 years. He often has a reputation for stirring up discussion with his vulgar lyrics and bluntness about many topics. He’s known for songs like “Lose Yourself,” “‘Till I Collapse,” and “I’m Not Afraid,” but one lesser-known song caught my attention when I saw it being reviewed on several Catholic websites. In 2017, Eminem released the song “River,” featuring Ed Sheeran on the refrain. I was pleasantly surprised when I found that the song had a pro-life message to it, from a perspective that’s not often brought up: the father’s point of view. Eminem tells the story of a man having an affair with a woman, “Suzanne.” He regrets his decision in the lyrics, “Hi Suzanne, but I shoulda said, Bye Suzanne.” He wants to move on, but the guilt of using her weighs on him when he sings, “Why do I do this dirt that I do?” Then the man finds out that the woman is pregnant. In a panic, he wants the mother to get an abortion. “We can’t bring her into this world,” refers to the baby daughter he might have had. Towards the end of the song, the man takes full responsibility for his actions and selfishness: “I made you terminate my baby.” Eminem doesn’t shy away from his typical brutal honesty here. He wishes for what could have been had the baby lived: “bet I really woulda loved your smile.” However, he can’t run from the truth: “what’s one more lie/ to tell our unborn child.” 

The refrain is equally sorrowful and honest when Ed Sheeran sings, “All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me. Well, little one, I don’t wanna admit to something if all it’s gonna cause is pain/ the truth and my lies now are falling like the rain.” It seems the man is asking for forgiveness here with the imagery of the holy water washing over him. “River” is a reminder that not only are mothers and children affected by abortion, fathers are too. Now I’m not here to argue for or against Eminem’s music. However, it’s nice to see a mainstream rapper tell the truth about how abortion affects men. It could be a nice way to ask men to embrace their role as fathers, even in the most difficult circumstances.

Now we turn to the cinema for pro-life themes. A Quiet Place was a hit in the horror movie genre when it came out in 2018. The movie starred husband and wife duo John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, with Krasinski also directing. The film follows the Abbott family, who are hunted by alien creatures who have taken over the planet. The aliens are blind, but they have acute hearing abilities, so the human survivors literally live like abbots of a monastery would, in almost total silence. There are plenty of moments of sacrificial love from each of the family members throughout the movie, especially from the parents. At one point, the father of the family, Lee, sacrifices himself to save his children, by shouting so that the aliens are lured away from his kids. It’s a beautiful and heartbreaking scene, but perhaps one of the greatest moments of upholding life in this story is the fact that the mother, Evelyn, is pregnant throughout the movie. Some might scratch their heads at why Lee and Evelyn didn’t decide to perform a makeshift abortion, given the difficulties of birthing and raising a child in the circumstances they’re in. Yet Evelyn carries the baby to term, and the whole family stands up to protect her during labor, even as the house is surrounded by monstrous creatures. By the end, the movie lets us know that even in a dangerous and challenging world, every life is valued, and life itself is worth living.

The last pop culture icon I want to discuss is the classic book, The Giver, by Lois Lowry. In a dystopian future, a young boy, Jonas, is assigned to be the next Receiver of Memory. His job is to bear all the memories from history, in order to advise the Council of the Elders. The older Receiver of Memory, known as the Giver, begins transferring the memories to Jonas throughout the story. No one else in Jonas’ Community has the knowledge he bears, so they are completely oblivious to things like hunger and war, as they live rigid and controlled. At one point, Jonas’ father, who works at the Nurturing Center (where babies are genetically engineered), brings home a child whose health is concerning him. Jonas soon finds out the fate of the baby if he does not grow stronger. The Giver shows him a hidden-camera video that reveals that the members of the Community who aren’t wanted are given lethal injection and disposed of. Jonas is filled with horror and ends up rescuing the baby, risking everything in order to give him a better future.

Whether intentional or not, these three sources of entertainment, along with many more, have resounding messages and themes of pro-life. For me, it’s always refreshing to see the popular art and stories of our time promote the most fundamental human right: the right to life, from conception to natural death. I’ll end with a quote from another pro-life film, Horton Hears a Who: “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

What can I do, what can WE do, to ensure that women in this position do not feel as though abortion is the only or best choice? What can we do to help women avoid this trauma? The abortion conversation can no longer be just about the babies. If we claim to be pro-life, we need to be pro-mother as well.

What a Netflix Dating Show Taught Me About the Abortion Debate

At the very start of the COVID shutdown, Netflix released several new original shows that captivated the locked-down virtually overnight. One of those shows is called Love is Blind. It begins as your average dating show: attractive singles arrive in search of love and meet strangers of the opposite gender. The twist in Love is Blind, however, is that all conversations between potential couples happen with a wall in between them. They cannot see each other until AFTER they get engaged. After the proposal, the couples finally meet each other face to face, move in together, and then prepare for their weddings. It is the epitome of a terrible reality show that contradicts the Church’s teaching in a variety of ways, but I have no shame in admitting I gobbled it up while I was stuck at home. 

I will never forget watching the second episode of the show and being profoundly struck by one particular scene. One of the female contestants, Amber, is conversing with her soon-to-be fiancé, Barnett, through the wall. She begins to explain to him that in a past relationship, she discovered she was pregnant. 

“It is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life… I was still learning what it meant to love somebody, and because I loved him so much, I had an abortion. It’s not exactly something, like, I’m proud of. After the fact, I’m trying to explain to him: ‘I’m having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I don’t eat. I’m not really sleeping.’… He goes ‘Why don’t you just get over it? You need to get over it already, like, move on.’...I need to know if a situation like that comes up and an unexpected pregnancy happens... I won’t be forced to choose. I can’t survive that again. It would destroy me.” 

Even almost two years after watching this scene for the first time, I remember how I felt watching it for the first time. The pain in Amber’s voice as she is telling her story to Barnett is tangible. You can see how she relives the trauma in her mind. And I think there is a lot we can learn from this moment. 

So often in our country, the divisive abortion debate focuses on the life and rights of the unborn child. And without a doubt, of course this is of the utmost importance. The unborn are silenced before they even have a chance to speak. However, watching this simple moment in a Netflix scene two years ago has drastically changed the way I approach the abortion conversation. My thoughts and concerns are often pulled toward the mother in the situation. 

There are so many elements at play in the situation Amber describes. The shock of an unplanned pregnancy, the reaction and wishes of the partner, the fear of losing the partner if you do not agree to their wishes, the trauma of the abortion procedure and recovery, the immense guilt and depression Amber clearly is dealing with, the ambivalence of her partner, and the fear of living this again in a future relationship. Wow. I cannot even begin to imagine going through even one piece of that, especially while pregnant.

My heart absolutely breaks for Amber and any woman like her. Much of the time, abortions happen to someone who is in a committed relationship, which I think many of us tend to forget. Someone that’s supposed to love you, support you, and help you in all things is now pressuring you to do something unthinkable so that your lives can proceed as planned. I cannot imagine the stress and pressure of making that decision. I can understand being so in love with someone that the fear of losing them takes precedence over what we know to be true in our souls. And unfortunately (or fortunately, more likely) for Amber, that relationship ended anyway eventually, seeing as she joined a dating show. 

I think this moment in Amber’s life can teach the pro-life community a lot about how we need to be supporting women, both those who are post-abortive and those in the midst of making this difficult decision. How can we support them better? Perhaps it’s free counseling. Perhaps it’s government or non-profit aid that can allow these women to be financially independent of their partners if they are unwilling to support the woman if she proceeds with the pregnancy. Perhaps it’s donating to establishments that provide free housing or childcare for single mothers. Perhaps it’s investing in chastity and cycle charting education so that women like Amber can understand the beauty and goodness of their sexuality the way God intended it to be. 

As a woman, I hate to see another woman in pain. Amber is so clearly carrying around the burden of this deep secret, and the absolute fear she has of going through an abortion again is truly heartbreaking. As I watched the scene, it was so clear to me that Amber is in deep need of post-abortive counseling, such as that offered by organizations like Rachel’s Vineyard. But even more, Amber is in need of grace. She is in need of a Redeemer. She needed mercy. She needed to be told “You are good. You are forgiven. You can forgive yourself. God still deeply loves you.” 

We can only speculate, but I cannot help but wonder what decision Amber would have made if she felt supported when she learned she was pregnant. What if her partner hadn’t pressured her to abort? What if she felt that she had the capability and the resources to raise a child? What if she understood the biology and alive-ness of a child in the womb? And more importantly, what can I do, what can WE do, to ensure that women in Amber’s position do not feel as though abortion is the only or best choice? What can we do to help women avoid this trauma? The abortion conversation can no longer be just about the babies. If we claim to be pro-life, we need to be pro-mother as well.

I wish that I could be as holy as the saints in heaven. Sometimes I feel that holy, and then God lovingly gives me a dose of humility and I remember to whom I belong. I am His and He knows that I’m trying and still not perfect.

Seeking Holiness through Middle Schoolers, Music and the Gospel of Matthew

I'm in my second year teaching middle school religion. For the past quarter, I've been teaching my eighth graders about the four pillars of the Church. We recently focused on how the Church itself is only holy through its following of Jesus, not through its members. Its members of sinners, which I'm one of. We have to acknowledge that our holiness is only found through others and experiences. Our holiness is not found in ourselves or through ourselves, or in what we're doing, no matter what we're doing for Christ. Our holiness is only found through the Eucharist, Jesus’s abundant grace and outpouring of love, and the sacrament of confession. Our holiness is only found through Him. 

One of my students, in searching for pictures for his project this week, found an article from New Zealand talking about how we should not idolize the Church, and that we should keep Jesus as our God and as our one belief. The article also said that faith is based on the foundation of the Commandments, which were given to us to make us holy. These are not rules to limit us or to make us angry. The Commandments are meant to draw us into the communion with the Trinity. These are not the only words given to us as instructions. The Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy are also great guides to lead us to holiness. 

As a follower of Jesus in a church so Catholic it is universal, you should also understand that the Church as a group of people can make mistakes and that we need the sacrament of confession in order to prepare our souls for heaven. We as Catholics believe that the best way and the only way for us to receive absolution of our sins and repair relationships with those that we've sinned against is to begin with confession. This is to go to Christ on Earth and have our sins absolved by a priest. This sacrament was instituted by Christ to his apostles: "Whatever [sins] you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18). Confession brings us in closer union to our community and Christ himself.

As this week came to a close I was talking with my sixth graders about the Litany of Trust. Watching 12-year-olds comprehend and understand that the only way to holiness is through trust in Jesus and put down their pride of “I got this,” “I can do this on my own” is humbling. I can tell you that they thought differently yesterday afternoon when they understood that faith and trust in hope and Jesus can be the only way to holiness. We are not holy on our own; we are holy through Christ who strengthens us. Matthew 19:26 states, “For God all things are possible.” It is only through Jesus and through the sacraments that we as a people can become holy. Do not let the sin of pride cloud your eyes that you are perfect, nor do you need to be perfect. The only perfect ones are Mary and her son. We desire a perfect relationship in order to be holy, to be called saints in heaven and on Earth. As part of the community of saints we have an ambition to be called saints in heaven, to be followers of Christ so fiercely that we have an established relationship with Him and that we have made it known. 

Recently there has been a song on the radio that reinforces this concept. “My Jesus” by Anne Wilson proves how much we are loved by Jesus and how he makes us holy in the process.

“He makes a way where there ain't no way

The song “Nobody” by Casting Crowns also reminds us that that same Jesus makes us feel like somebody. These lyrics touch my soul. Jesus made us holy through his suffering. This part of the song continues to shine the faith and light of the holiness of our Lord and the sinfulness of the church and its body. They read:

I long for the holiness of Jesus. The way to get to that holiness is through practicing the Ten Commandments, living the Beatitudes, and helping others through the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. I wish that I could be as holy as the saints in heaven. Sometimes I feel that holy, and then God lovingly gives me a dose of humility and I remember to whom I belong. I am His and He knows that I’m trying and still not perfect. I’m longing for holiness like the lyrics of the song “Holiness is What I Long For” by Donnie McClurkin. I have been singing this song since high school, adding new lyrics as I saw fit. 

Holiness, holiness is what You want from me, from me…

Holiness, holiness is what You want from me”

I hope one day I can be that holy and lead others to holiness. In the meantime, I’ll keep teaching those middle schoolers to be kind and work hard.

I am my brothers’ only sister, so I can often be the natural target for teasing and typical brother behavior, but seeing this film reminded me of some qualities I love about my brothers. Spider-Man No Way Home also seems to give some good examples of what brotherhood looks like.

What Spider-Man: No Way Home Taught Me About Brothers

A few short months ago, a little superhero movie called Spider-Man: No Way Home came to the big screen. It went on to become one of the highest-grossing films of all time, and it pleased critics and general audiences alike. Movie lovers like myself flocked to the theater to revel in the experience of seeing three generations of Spider-Man heroes and villains come together. Cinematic events like this rarely happen these days, so it was with great satisfaction that I watched my favorite characters assemble. However, what pleased me just as much was to see a movie as big as this teach me something good and beautiful about my everyday life. 

I was delighted to see all three actors who have played Spider-Man in the past twenty years interacting in the same movie together. As I watched, I couldn’t help but see my own three brothers in the web slingers on screen. I am my brothers’ only sister, so I can often be the natural target for teasing and typical brother behavior, but seeing this film reminded me of some qualities I love about my brothers. Spider-Man: No Way Home also seems to give some good examples of what brotherhood looks like:

In No Way Home, when Peter Parker’s (Tom Holland) identity is found out, it has dire consequences for him and those he loves. When he messes up fellow superhero Dr. Strange’s spell to make everyone forget that he is Spider-Man, it sets off a chain reaction, opening up the multiverse and setting Spider-Man villains loose from other universes. This ends up endangering his friends and family even more, eventually resulting in the tragic death of a loved one. Peter is filled with vengeance, and he doesn’t think anyone can understand what he’s going through. Then two more Spider-Men show up, and he’s proven wrong. They’ve both been through similar trials, and in Peter’s darkest moments, they appear and tell him to find a better way, even when it’s hard. Instead of lowering himself into the depths of despair, they tell him to rise above revenge to become the man he was meant to be.

All three Peter Parkers in the film know that their calling as superheroes is a great responsibility. Yet even when they’re just getting acquainted with each other, they already know their common goal: To preserve and aid those around them, even the villains they face. In every family, all men are called to defend their loved ones and serve their needs. This comes into play in an interesting way for brothers. A brother is often told to watch over his younger siblings when the parents are away, or help dad with home maintenance. In my own experience, I can find many times where my brothers were eager to defend and serve. For example, there have been times in my life when, the moment I mention that I spoke to a guy my brothers are unfamiliar with, they’ll be up in arms, asking who this boy is, or if he was nice to me, or whether he gave me any trouble. I know they won’t admit to it, but I get a certain satisfaction when I see my brothers want to stand up for their sister in their own way.

Brotherhood wouldn’t be complete without some light-hearted teasing. In Spider-Man: No Way Home, the jokes abound. Tobey Maguire stars as the eldest Peter Parker in this movie, and a few gags from his previous roles as the webhead make it into this outing. Andrew Garfield plays the third version of Peter Parker, and his character can’t help but poke fun at Tobey’s Spider-Man. “Are you going to go into battle dressed as a cool youth pastor?” he quips before the elder hero reveals his suit underneath his everyday outfit. There are many more hilarious moments, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much all the playful banter on screen reminded me of real life. I said to myself in the theater, “I’m basically watching my three brothers do comedy.” Planning pranks (within reason) and laughing until your sides hurt seem to be essential parts of brother bonding. Now if only I could make some money from my siblings’ home videos.

During the final battle, the three Peters start off a little rusty. Tobey and Andrew’s characters have never worked on a team before. To help them out, Tom Holland’s Peter mentions a familiar superhero team. “I don’t want to brag, but I will. I was in the Avengers.” The two other Spider-Men, new to the universe they’re in, are equally confused. “You were in a band?” Andrew’s Spider-Man asks in awe. Clearly they’re off to a shaky start. But they quickly organize themselves, and what results is efficient teamwork, not to mention a cinematic shot of the three Spider-Men swinging together, which had me giddy with excitement in the theater. There are times when brothers may seem a bit uncoordinated with each other. They may bicker about little things and have their moments of conflict. When they choose to come together though, it’s something to behold. Whether playing backyard football or fixing a house, the cooperation of brothers is an unstoppable force.

By the end of the movie, the trio of Spider-Men have sacrificed so much for both those they love and those they barely know. With the help of his old and new friends, Tom Holland’s Peter makes a difficult decision which results in his isolation, in order to protect the people he loves. Andrew’s Peter seeks a sort of redemption when he saves the life of a character who, in a way, helps him cope with the loss of his girlfriend, Gwen Stacy. Tobey’s Peter helps Tom Holland’s Spider-Man choose to spare a villain’s life, even in the most painful of circumstances. As brothers-in-arms, the Spider-Men lay down their lives for each other. They aren’t afraid to show their brotherly love either. “I always wanted brothers,” Andrew’s character says to his fellow Peter Parkers at one point. Before they go into the heat of battle, he can’t help but enthusiastically shout his appreciation to his fellow web slingers. “I love you guys!” he shouts. Later, when they’re about to go their separate ways, the three Peters have a big group hug, and I’ll admit, I had to shed a tear. Yep, No Way Home definitely had some good instances of what brotherhood should look like. Brothers are ready and willing to love each other and their families, even when the going gets tough. I’m glad to say I see this kind of love in my own brothers. Now, if I can just get them to dress in spandex and recreate that Spider-Man meme… I think you know the one I’m talking about.

A few weeks ago, Mike and I went to see the musical “Into the Woods”  at the Kennedy Center.  The talented troupe of actors put on a very  entertaining performance.  The play intertwines several popular  fairytales but pushes the endings beyond “happily ever after.”  In the  end, tragedy strikes nearly every tale.  Prince Charming cheats on  Cinderella, Rapunzel is trampled to death by a giant, and many other  misfortunes befall.  It seemed that the main purpose of the show was to  convince its audience that “happily ever after” does not really exist.   It left me with a sense of dread and an uneasy feeling that  relationships can’t be trusted and every person must look out for  herself/himself to have some sense of satisfaction “in the end.”   In a  way, “Into the Woods” was spot on.  When fairytales conclude with a  wedding and “happily ever after,” they leave out the ups and downs that  life will inevitably bring.  

The  musical depicts this realistic aspect of life, but reacts with a  cynical warning to mistrust romance, marriage, and relationships.  With  so many millennials putting off marriage, it seems that this cynicism is  pervading culture.  In response to divorce, adultery, and the devaluing  of sex, many young adults seem to have concluded that the safest bet is  a life without permanent commitment.  After all, if Prince Charming  couldn’t even stay captivated by Cinderella, how can any of us expect a  spouse to be faithful?  A life based in autonomy, a life based in  “personal freedom,” perhaps that life is the only one with a chance at  “happily ever after.”

But this  reaction to the reality that relationships are hard leaves no room for  true fulfillment.  Pope Saint John Paul II once said that “Man cannot  find himself except through a sincere gift of self.”  So a life lived  for oneself is a life devoid of true meaning and certainly not one that  leads to lasting happiness.  Marriage may not lead to “happily ever  after.”  Entering “into the woods” of life is a real challenge. But  marriage and self-gift bring the promise of something much more  meaningful.  A life poured out for the sake of others holds the promise  of joyfully ever after.  Joy, not always happiness, is the reason that  people should not fear to enter into marriage or whichever vocation to  which they are called.

Joy is something rooted much deeper than  happiness.  Happiness is based on emotion, and emotions can change with  the wind.  So of course, “happily ever after” is an impossible feat.   There will be moments in every marriage that are far from happy and in  these moments, married couples can attain true joy.  According to the  book Choose Joy by Kay Warren, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is  in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that  ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined  choice to praise God in all things.”  I like to think of this joy as  something that is rooted deep down in our souls.  While happiness is  surface level and fickle, joy is an inner reality that no bad situation  can shake.  Living a joyful life is a choice – it is an act of the will.   Even in the midst of trial, betrayal, miscommunication (whatever life  throws at a couple) they can choose to cultivate and live joy in their  marriage. This joy is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit.  It is a manifestation  of the Spirit’s work in our lives and comes only through a life of  faith.  It is only through a relationship with Jesus Christ that we can  experience true and lasting joy.  We can’t look to any other person  (whether a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, friend, or child) to fulfil  that role, because they simply can’t.  Only the Perfect and Everlasting  One can give perfect and everlasting joy.  When our relationship with  Christ is solid, we can see our spouse and other in relationships in the  proper context – as manifestations of Christ’s love which add to our  life of joy.

Let me give you an example.  Over Christmas, all of  my family caught the dreaded stomach bug.  It was a brutal.  It was the  exact opposite of happy.  For six days and nights, this gruesome virus  worked its way through all five of us.  As usually happens when we get  sick, Mike got sick last and was sick for the least amount of time;  which left Mike as the main caretaker for the rest of us.  Nobody likes  to clean up vomit and diarrhea from the floor, toilet, sheets, carpet,  children time and again; and certainly no one enjoys doing so during the  Christmas season with extended family.  Mike was tired, frustrated, and  covered in yuck.  And yet, in the midst of all the yuck, Mike was a  steady conduit of joy.  He was a gentle and patient father to our  suffering little ones and a compassionate and selfless husband to me,  his bride.  He cultivated that inner joy through his sincere gift of  self.  In spite of his unhappiness, Mike entered into the promise of  joyfully ever after.  In pouring himself out for his family, he became  even more of the holy husband and father he is called to be.

How  about an even more heart-wrenching example?  Right now, a little 19  month old girl (providentially) named Joy is fighting for her life.  She  had an accident in the pool over Christmas and has been in the hospital  ever since.  Her family lives in Florida, and the accident happened in  Arizona.  She has four older siblings, and her parents are trying to  balance care for all of their children.  Not a situation pictured in the  “happily ever after” fairytale ending.  But as I read and watch her  parent’s updates and videos of Joy, I am overwhelmed by the joy  radiating from that hospital room.  Priests have said Mass by her  bedside; friends and strangers who have heard her story are praying for  her all over the country; she is showing signs of improvement; her  parents and little Joy herself are witnesses to the joy found in a life  of faith.  A joy that no suffering can uproot.

So I’d encourage  young people considering marriage, engaged couples, newlyweds, (well,  everyone really,) it is true, we must not be fooled by the  over-romanticized notion of “happily ever after.”  We can’t expect to be  swept off our feet daily in a whirlwind of happy, wedded bliss.  But  also, we mustn’t settle for the lie of cynicism and mistrust.  Don’t be  afraid to open your heart to another – not with the expectation that  they will fulfill you (because only Christ can) and not with the  expectation that you will always be happy; but with the knowledge that  through a sincere gift of self, you can live joyfully ever after.

As  Pope Francis said to young people: "[The world will] say that it is not  worth making a life-long commitment, making a definitive decision,  ‘forever’, because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I ask you,  instead, to be revolutionaries, I ask you to swim against the tide; yes,  I am asking you to rebel against this culture that sees everything as  temporary and that ultimately believes you are incapable of  responsibility, that believes you are incapable of true love. I have  confidence in you and I pray for you.  Have the courage to swim against  the tide.  And also, have the courage to be happy.”  (Read as, “have the  courage to be full of joy!”)

The musical depicts this realistic aspect of life, but reacts with a  cynical warning to mistrust romance, marriage, and relationships.  With  so many millennials putting off marriage, it seems that this cynicism is  pervading culture.  In response to divorce, adultery, and the devaluing  of sex, many young adults seem to have concluded that the safest bet is  a life without permanent commitment.  After all, if Prince Charming  couldn’t even stay captivated by Cinderella, how can any of us expect a  spouse to be faithful?  A life based in autonomy, a life based in  “personal freedom,” perhaps that life is the only one with a chance at  “happily ever after.”

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